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Every relationship demands sacrifices. Every relationship demands adjustment. It is give and take all the way. Some call it compromise. Others call it negotiation of needs. Whatever you call it, the truth is that we accept what our partner wants despite our being against it and vice versa many times.

We all have our values. There are certain principals by which we live. We have acceptable and non-acceptable adjustments. Ask a green activist to adjust to killing of whales. He/she would never do that. That is unacceptable to them. That goes against their value. Similarly for some people any extra marital love is totally unacceptable. If they find out that their spouse was involved in one, the relationship may break. It is simple - I will never compromise on this set of values that I cherish.

As I said earlier, every relationship is based on give and take. For example I may be in great and passionate love with my partner. If he/she wants me to compromise on my values what should I do? I have two options. If he/she does not agree, I will either break my limits or break the relationship. Say, I break my values. What will now happen to my relationship? I will begin hating him/her for making me break my limits. I may wonder - why he/she could not respect my values? Does he/she have no respect for what I think and value? Why did he/she insist that I break my principles? Why cannot he/she adjust and agree to my point of view?

Any compromise on highly cherished values will doom the relationship soon. You will be a loser both the ways.

I have spoken about various games we play in relationships. The games that are mostly negative drain the relationship of its charm and effectively kill all the love and care that partners can have for each other. Here is one more such game that is played in relationships. It is called - please I am not at fault. Do not blame me. Or tell me what I shall do, and I will do that. Unsaid part- you know very well that I will never do what you advise, but blame you after everything fails.

Partners who have been lucky to get a partner who tolerates a lot generally play this game. In this relationship The game playing partner knows that all will be tolerated and the poor partner will try his/her best to set things right. Why should I bother at all? These are lazy partners. These are dishonest partners. These are destructive partners. They can extract life away from a charming individual and make him/her feel guilty and helpless for no fault. They destroy the relationship.

In such a relationship what is the remedy for such situations? First the victim has to understand the game that is being played. After that the victim should get away from taking any part in the game. Once the victim refuses to get persecuted, the abuser will have trouble playing the game. Either they will have to mend their ways or the relationship will break down.

No relationship is equal give and take. In every relationship, both the partners make adjustments to make the relationship a success. Both give up many choices in life and try to contribute for the continuation of the relationship. Sacrifices are always called for in a healthy relationship. The relationship thrives on them. When we sacrifice we feel good because we feel worthy. Having given up something always makes us feel good.
It can also make us feel bad, if it goes on from one side and the other partner not even acknowledges that. The resentment sets in to the detriment of the relationship.
Why Sacrifice- two people cannot relate and live together peacefully, if they set their own conditions of living. They have to draw a common way and sacrifice their own hobbies, interests, and many other interests. Many adjustments have to be made to make a relationship succeed.

Are You Sacrificing More - human beings are all different. Some of us are givers by our natural instinct. In any relationship, such people will always give without any second thought. As the relationship progresses, such givers keep on sacrificing more and more to make the relationship work and keep the partner happy. Slowly the resentment may develop. I am only giving since years. I am not getting anything in return. Why am I being demanded to give again and again. I have my own life and desires. What about that? Why the world is becoming selfish? No body bothers about my comfort. Am I a sacrificial goat? Such thoughts slowly develop and destroy the relationship over period of time. Any relationship that began with imbalances would not survive long if checks are not kept. If you sacrifice more, please stop and review your life.

Creating Intimacy to Keep the Flame Burning

It is true that intimacy and relationship are two very different words. They have different meanings and present totally different concepts. The tie that binds them to each other, however, is the fact that a relationship needs intimacy to survive. Intimacy is the substance which enables the people involved in a relationship to enjoy each other all the more.

Intimacy is defined as the condition of being private or personal. This encompasses everything that involves close association or familiarity. Two people are intimate when they are able to share with each other the innermost and most essential parts of themselves without any kind of inhibition. It is only through creating intimacy that two people are able to know each other through and through.

The inability of people involved in relationships to create intimacy results to the creation of distance. This is the reason why creating intimacy is important even from the start. How to create intimacy is something that each and every person involved in a relationship should know how to do, for creating intimacy is the foundation that would forge the connection between two people n a relationship more strongly than ever.

Creating intimacy involves consistent attention for one another and the relationship itself. It also involves respect for each another and the relationship in particular. Regular, healthy verbal communication is always an important factor in establishing openness, and physical contact is as essential in creating intimacy and closeness as other factors.

Creating intimacy also involves regular expression of caring and tenderness so that each one in the relationship may know how important he or she is to the other. And because the expression of feelings is equally telling, it becomes one of the most important things that would create intimacy and bind people in a relationship together.

Because creating intimacy means creating familiarity and openness, it is a must for people involved in a relationship to become honest and straightforward with each other. Saying and doing what is truthful and honest for both of them would help a lot, and acceptance of each other’s personality and characteristics would foster an understanding between the two of them like no other.

To create intimacy, people in a relationship should also have an understanding of how their families of origin would affect the relationship itself. This is essential, too, in understanding the behavior of each other in connection with the atmosphere he or she grew up in. Then again, it is important for partners to take time to listen to what each other thinks and feels. Living in the present and envisioning a life together in the future would create chemistry that they could both use to become not as separate individuals but as a team ready to battle all odds together.

Lastly, it is always important for people concerned about creating intimacy to promote the personal growth of one another. It should always be remembered that those involved in relationships are there to complement each other in every way. The relationship is the medium which enables people to learn this simple truth. Creating intimacy means sharing one’s own person with his or her partner the best possible way.

People’s inability to create intimacy in any kind of relationship creates distance, the worm capable of eating the union slowly away. It is always important for those involved in relationships to try their best efforts to create intimacy, because it is what would keep the flame burning for quite a while.